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Growing up, I had different allergies or sensitivities to things – some to medication, some to food, other times it was chemicals like detergents. A prominent one was dairy. I couldn’t have certain yogurts, otherwise it would result in a stomach ache. We ended up doing an allergy sensitivity test. I’m not really sure how it worked. It was with some metal stick that they touch your skin (typically your hand) with. Years later it was through a blood test testing antibodies against different sensitivities. It was typical for milk to be an issue. Other times it was cane sugar. More recently I had an arm prick test done on my skin and it turned out I had a cat allergy. Though, I learned that your allergies do change every 10 years.

There was a period where I stopped having milk and switched over to goat milk. Over the years, I stopped having goat milk and switched over to almond milk (typically chocolate almond milk), to a mix of rice milk, soy milk and oat milk. If I could have regular milk, I’d go for it but I don’t trust my stomach.

The stomach issues just got worse after grade 6 or 7. I guess puberty?

There was a period where I wouldn’t eat breakfast because I was worried it would upset my stomach. This went on for a while. I truly don’t know how many years I didn’t eat breakfast. There were moments where I’d have dinner before an after school practice and have tea with sugar and for whatever reason this would somehow trigger an upset stomach. I’m not sure if it was the stress of getting to practice on time and sitting in traffic? This was the same case with being driven to high school – even though it was a 2-3 km distance to school, having breakfast somehow affected my stomach. The stress of getting there on time and not getting into trouble from the teachers for being late.

I’m not sure how this changed over the years but it somehow stabilized. I tried not to care about getting somewhere late. I think it really took a long time to not care or be worried. I felt like it was going to screw me up if I kept staying in that state of stomach irritability. I remember being at the ER with my best friend and his mom and overhearing a patient talk about getting stomach ulcers because of the stress of driving in the city. I do hope he’s ok… I can relate to sitting in GTA traffic and impacting your stomach. It’s hard. Toronto traffic is difficult to sit through.

Being on the road with a stomach that was no bueno. For the most part, I was able to control the issue. But there were times where it was difficult to manage. Trying to find a washroom in the city when you’re not at a project site is difficult. I think I was able to manage based on what I ate. But if I ate comfort food, there was that possibility of it messing me up. You learned to avoid certain things like Teriyaki Express or the Egg Sausage Sandwich from Starbucks. Not sure why those things triggered an upset stomach.

During a company training, they asked what kind of food restrictions we had. I indicated non-dairy. At a comment a colleague made about who ordered the non-dairy food… it kinda singles you out and makes you feel “othered” and not really wanting to be that person for ordering that food. In other instances, you have no idea what you’re getting if you get “other food”. Will it be as good? Seeing vegetarian food on flights looked pretty depressing. Like it didn’t look great and seeing the person trying to eat it… they struggled with the quality. Getting vegan food at sports venues is hit or miss. Sometimes it’s good, other times not so much. You have no idea how long it’s been sitting there. Is it still good? I like to go the vegan route just to switch things up. Red meat can be heavy on your stomach. Vegan alternatives can be easier to digest. I’ve had great vegan food within the city and you wouldn’t consider it to be not flavourful or difficult to consume due to texture. It depends on the restaurant. I’ve had terrible chicken Pad Thai in Florida – the chicken was dried out.

I remember having some tasty Chinese food in Lviv back in 2016, but hell that wrecked my stomach. I’m not sure if it was the oil or what but my stomach didn’t handle that well. That was the only place that impacted me negatively while travelling to Ukraine that year.

Other times it can be just food handling practices – has a sauce been stored outside of the required temperature? Two instances involving hoisin sauce. Once at YVR airport – an asian noodle restaurant that had reviews of food poisoning. I think I left a review but I must have deleted it thinking my employer would disapprove of negative feedback. What commenced 30 minutes before boarding was torture. The following hour or so was additional torture. Not being able to go to the washroom on a flight until you can unbuckle yourself from the seat was extremely difficult. Being able to do so was in some sense relieving but the entire flight was torture. I think I made countless trips to the lavatory. At one point I think I was about to throw up on the flight. Just when I thought this was going to end when I landed… this continued at home. Both ends. We’ll keep it at that.

I think I ended up taking the day off. My boss encouraged to hydrate and eat bananas and rice or carbs or something along those lines. I can’t remember now. But it was messed up. It irritated my innards where you’re now seeing blood and you start wondering, am I alright? There were other moments where my stomach was not ok. I had Vietnamese food from a local restaurant… again with hoisin sauce just sitting out in the open. My partner was ok (she has a stomach made of steel) while I BARELY made it home…. and it’s just a 15 minute drive.

Around this time, dealing with the stress at work from the local team and this food poisoning episode, my body was not dealing well. I lost count of how many times I went to the walk-in clinic. I didn’t have a family doctor around this time period. I remember seeing an article about younger people having more cases of colorectal cancer and this further made me question if this is the case. There was nausea and being unable to eat. Losing my appetite during lunch and dinner. I couldn’t figure it out. There was also the dry eyes that I couldn’t explain. My coffee tasting salty and I had no idea why.

After numerous walk-in clinic visits, I ended up having a colonscopy that came back fine.

I had numerous visits to the ER with a kidney stone in May 2023. Most excruciating pain ever.

Thinking about the past – I had maybe three instances likely related to stress resulting in ER visits – once when navigating through a turbulent relationship feeling pain in my abdomen. This resulted in ultrasounds and a pelvic exam. The pelvic exam did not feel like it was done in a respectful manner and was forceful. Almost like to punish me? The other two felt like they were impacting my chest (causing chest pain) and the other felt like high blood pressure (resulting in neck pain). With the neck pain, this was during COVID where people were coming in by ambulance and refusing to wear masks. Based on this observation, I ended up walking out of the ER. The pain still remained until the following morning. On a positive note, the staff did call back to check to see if I was ok and why I had left.

Even in university when I would consume coffee, I’d have tight chest feelings and would impact how I felt. Doctors at the ER wouldn’t have an answer on this.

I think dealing with these health issues in 2023 was difficult. When it happened so often, I guess my partner just saw it as a redundancy and not something I was dealing with. Not seeing it as something I was struggling with; so I didn’t feel seen which sucked. Having them further unravel in 2024 was much harder.

Even now my stomach is struggling during certain moments. Some foods impact me differently. I can’t figure out what I can or cannot have. I have to be very selective on what I eat. Sometimes I feel like meat is too heavy for my stomach to digest. Sometimes I think beer is easier to help with digestion. I’m not sure if that’s a folks tale? Maybe. But I think the bitterness helps like Piołun herbata – Wormwood tea.

The energy levels is a different story. I remember this being an issue in high school and not understanding why. This came and went during 10 years at the first org; I think my sleeping patterns were terrible at this point. I didn’t get the right sleep during this time period. Same with the 2nd org but I think I got ok sleep levels during this time but was more of a night owl. The energy levels really struggled at the 3rd org.

There were moments where I think my vitamin B12 levels were low due to drinking a lot of coffee. So I would stop drinking coffee. But this also impacted my focus. But without knowing it chewing gum aggressively helped.

Even with anxiety I tried to supplement in 2022 with CBD gummies and this felt like it impacted my vitamin B12 levels. Why? The side of my mouth was cracking – a typical symptom I got when my levels were low. Did the CBD gummies help? To some extent. Until they didn’t because of the mouth cracking, so I had to stop.

It has been a vicious cycle trying to figure out how to manage my stress levels. Try to not care about things like traffic and getting on time… but that wasn’t enough of a strategy. When people know my Kryptonite, this sucks. I go into autistic meltdown. And this results in some form of burnout. Might need to hide under the covers and not eat food that is triggering to my stressed stomach. This is hard to figure out.

Trying to navigate all of this with family stuff also adds to the stress (being gay, not living up to family expectations, not taking care of them or not living with them, not attending family functions because you’re trying to conserve your energy levels, not trying to have family opinions impact you… it’s a lot). But within a workforce where you’re under a microscope and told one thing but see another thing, this definitely impacts you.

Ok, vse. Ne znayu shcho bilshe skazaty. Za bahato tysku y vsim.