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Speaking with my godmother today, she brought up an incident where her son’s friend was sharing of suicidal feelings at the age of 13.

This is a tricky situation to be in. Bullying can be hard on kids. Fitting in school is also difficult because not everyone is popular. Being different can make you an outcast. This is more prominent when you are neurodivergent.

For me, bullying was a bit of an issue in elementary school – grades 3-8. Had people name call or make stupid jokes about me. Did it affect my self-esteem? Yeah. There were moments where I’d look into the mirror and think yeah, I’m not a good looking person.

High school – there wasn’t THAT much bullying, though there were situations with 2 classmates where things got weird. But boys in the neighbourhood did insinuate I was promiscuous for dating someone in the neighbourhood. Guys are not cool in that instance.

I did fall for a friend/classmate in Grade 9. I really just liked the vibe with this person. Telling her was a bad idea. She did tell some classmates about me liking her and that scared me so it put me back into the closet. It’s not quite comfortable being out as a gay person in a Catholic high school. I don’t think a lot of kids in our high school were comfortable being out. I know of maybe 3 or 4 people in our grade that are LGBTQ+. They did end up coming out later on after high school. But coming out while in high school was unheard of. I’m not sure how things are at the current moment at our high school. If kids feel comfortable about coming out. It would be interesting to find out.

I do recall one of our teacher being asked what he would do if his son came out and he said he’d disown him. Or that he could not be gay. It was upsetting that a teacher you look up to, has this view.

Anyway, I did have a hard time in grade 9 when my grandmother passed away. Also navigating questioning who I was. Not finding those people in high school so you tend to find people online. (though I’ve lost touch with those people). There was a moment where I did write a letter to someone from camp about how I was feeling and she sent it to my mom. The conversation with my mom didn’t go well.

I think we need to educate kids and schools on mental health and have open discussions on these topics. Normalize them. Girls will be more open about feelings (unless they’re not with parents). Boys will have a harder time vocalizing or articulating their feelings. Again, I’m not a professional on this topic nor am I a sociologist. I don’t know how high school kids have progressed in 20 years. Do they speak more about mental health? It could vary depending if they come from a progressive family or are first gen Canadian. A convo I had with a young male adult at CAMH talked about how his friends were very candid about mental health and were able to have these discussions. Was he and his group of friends an outlier? or is the new reality of kids these days?

I think if a parent is aware of suicide ideation of a child, they need to be careful with how they handle the situation to not further traumatize the child. Kids can really clam up and shut up about things going on at school. If they have a transparent relationship with their parents, I think they’re super lucky…. teenage years can be very volatile. They’re awkward. Kids are awkward during these years. That’s just the reality of it. Some parents are there, others are not. Parents have different parenting styles. No one is consistent because of how different everyone is. But I think one thing that needs to be consistent is talking about mental health. Educating ourselves about it. Reading various research topics on it. My fear is that misinformation and disinformation will affect how society will truly perceive it. We saw what COVID disinformation on facebook did. Science for me is the gold standard – public health professionals are the specialists on this topic. And as much I want to say that mental health professionals are the professionals on these topics – I wish they were more progressive on neurodivergence to have a better understanding on the topic and make the necessary impact that is required. I don’t mean impact from a controlling manner (here’s some drugs, we’re managing your mental health this way) but from a professional manner – listening, assessing how to communicate this information and execute it in the right manner.

Outside of school – as a society we need to do better. Educate the public on these topics – neurodivergence, schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, addiction, etc. There’s a lot of stigma around these. I still stand by doing right by schizophrenia. I feel like this is a very heavily stigmatized diagnosis. I’ve had a doctor say to not tell anyone this is my diagnosis (when I was misdiagnosed). He was an older person. But even then. You expect doctors to continuously develop professionally and better understand new topics and research coming out.

I find conversations around mental health can feel very hollow. Bell Let’s Talk Day – What are we really talking about? I don’t think a lot of people really know. They might know of a person struggling or had a person suddenly commit suicide. I’ve seen both. But I never really understood these topics until I started researching myself.

I think we also need to look at our psychiatric facilities. Determine if they’re really suitable for those struggling. I remember (while my mind was in a haze), hearing a young woman being brought to CAMH talk about feeling triggered… being brought there. Is the psychiatric hospital well equipped to bring people in and keep them safe? or are they further triggering and traumatizing patients?

I think having a phone available helps keep patients available to friends and families. Having short phone cables is critical as well (though I was paranoid at the time that they were tapping into my phone; I really struggled with trust during that time period).

I remember one instance where a patient set their bed on fire years ago… When I was there, I think they did a good job ensuring all personal belongings were free of items that would contribute to injuries. Though there was an instance where they provided clothing that had a string in a hoodie or pants that could result in someone using this to commit suicide.

Design of the hospital or psychiatric unit is also critical. I recall one hospital where a psychiatric unit had a death because a patient was able to find a plan… could be stalls, clothing, door handles, etc. I think that’s the last place a hospital/psychiatric unit wants to be in. Having a patient they’re trying to keep alive – end up dead. It’s not only traumatizing for the family but also the staff. I’m not sure if there’s some sort of standard out there on how to design a psychiatric unit. But I think this would be beneficial.

Not sure why I’m huge on standards but I think it helps with getting other facilities be up to speed if they aren’t already.