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Having group therapy sessions has been super helpful. In some sense you feel normal when surrounded by people who understand what you are going through, and can relate to “coming out” as neurodivergent can be scary depending on the workplace. Some workplaces can have toxic masculinity personas that make stupid comments about marginalized people and you put on a mask to fit in. But deep down it sucks.

In a male dominated industry, being out as a gay female is hard. You’re not sure who will treat you differently because you’re female AND gay. They’ll make crude jokes about lesbians, have half naked women calendars on their walls, make comments about clients being attractive… it’s odd. It’s a weird cave man mentality. Dudes beating their chests. Some cross lines of kissing your neck or tell you to sit on their lap. Contractors asking you out. It can be uncomfortable and awkward.

Or having clients who make jokes about gay people and you then need to pick and choose who you can come out to or not. I remember a client making a comment about one of their colleagues being gay (they were an overly flamboyant person) and stating that they wouldn’t get into an elevator alone with them. Because you are their “type”? Straight people need to stop thinking that every LGBTQ+ person is attracted to everyone and anyone.

If you’re comfortable with your coworkers, go for it. But if you feel like putting this information out there in your workplace will cause your coworkers to alienate you and you won’t be safe, don’t. But I think there are still ways to educate them by dropping facts around neurodivergence and advocating for different people. Having constructive conversations can be very beneficial.

I remember having a convo with a colleague around kids being exposued to the existence of LGBTQ+ people. This colleague thought that she shouldn’t allow her son be exposed to the existence of LGBTQ+ people. I explained that kids are inherently accepting of everyone when they’re young. They learn hatred as they grow up. If she’s not saying something terrible about LGBTQ+ people, his friends might and they’ll have that influence on him. Turns out she did have a family friend who was gay and understood that aspect of just normalizing LGBTQ+. It removes that stigma, that unknown of something different, that perpetuation of homophobia, transphobia, etc.

Same goes with normalizing neurodivergence. I think I’ve really opened up my eyes to what ASD is; I don’t think I’m any different from who I was last year. I know 3 languages; I love music, sports, art, photography; I deep dive into random topics; I finished university; I’ve held jobs for the majority of my career; I have amazing people in my life and I deeply care about them; I love animals; I like to tinker with things, etc. Neurodivergence, just like my sexual orientation, is just a fact, a sliver of my identity.

And people bullying others who are different – high needs autistic people, people with down syndrome, people with physical disabilities – really tells us what kind of people they are. Are these the people you strive to be? The example you want to give to your children and family? or do you want to do and be better?

I think back to this individual in group and it was interesting, he could relate because his sibling came out as trans. For someone who grew up on a farm, this was unheard of for him and here he was learning more about his sibling being trans. He loved and supported his sibling so he educated himself. And I think this is that approach we need in life. People meeting us halfway. If you truly care about your friends, colleagues, family members, you will try to understand and support them – whether it’s through self-education and having conversations while asking questions. Seeking to understand. It removes that fear of the unknown, that phobia, that judgement.

I do think if we are informed on other stigmatized topics (I think back to mental health and schizophrenia), we need to advocate for those individuals and make things right where the media and culture have “made many wrongs”.