AuDN4T

Reflecting on the last two weeks. It was nice to have family visiting from Poland. Trying to show them our world here and how life is here. I know it can be a bit different – and that’s fine. The world is a diverse place. I think it’s also that little pride in the place you live in that you want to show off to family members (despite it being a bit chaotic at the moment)… not in a pretentious way… kind of like a parent being proud of their kids way? I think of how my friends are proud of the places they live in…. Regina or Kyiv. (I hate using the word proud because of the negative connotation it comes with the far right groups like proud boys and proud Ontario). What a weird world we live in right now.

It was definitely difficult navigating through downtown Toronto with 8 people in total; making sure no one got lost on the subway. Laying out the logistics of paying for subway fare. I’m glad they got to experience a bit of Chinatown and Korean BBQ…. definitely makes you feel like you’re in a big city but also walking into a world with different languages and diversity around you is not something you see everywhere. Trying to normalize that diversity.

Going to three different locations in a day in a short period of time felt a bit much for 3pm-9pm.

From a sensory standpoint, the aquarium was nice… though there was one point where there was audio that was a bit loud. I think if they have options to tune into on your phone, it might be a good option…. Do a playlist on Spotify? or another app? Trying to think of a creative way to implement this. some sort of QR code that provides a link to audio.

CN Tower is always a sight to see, though, the reno’s have definitely impacted the experience from a sensory standpoint. The first floor has carpet and some sort of acoustical ceiling design that absorbs the sound while the second floor has vinyl flooring that allows the sound to bounce off the ceiling, floor and walls. There is a noticeable 10dB variation. The pod is nice but not accessible for people with walking difficulties. There isn’t enough space for someone with fears of heights to back up. Noise levels to bounce around when people do change the garbage bins. It can get a bit congested because the core is the shape of a square while the walkway is a circle… it might get difficult if you carry a backpack with you; you might hit people with it.

Union Station… I still find it confusing to navigate after the reno. It feels like there’s large rooms separating the GO Transit area. I used to know the flow of it and now could not say how the layout is. You have this weird large room where you have the dark food court area, then you have a room or compartment of waiting areas, but I think there’s two? It’s not very intuitive.

Cycling back home was ok at first until it really started to rain. The bike share pedals didn’t really have any grip, there were a couple of times I was close to falling. Seeing people still have to work through the rain during the World Cup made you really understand it got complex for them in the rain. I think about the people cleaning the portopotty and realize how it was difficult to see at night. I also think about how we protect them from an infection control standpoint being exposed to various bodily fluids. That’s not really something that is covered in OHSA. I’m not sure if there are any standards for outdoor washroom facilities; especially protecting workers maintaining them. You can provide them with PPE but there’s also the issue of cross contamination and knowing how to don/doff the PPE. How can we make this work more easier for them? I wonder how heavy the vacuum equipment is…. I also think about dry cleaners (not that I passed by one on the way home, but it was something that just popped into my head). Exposure to the chemicals used and ways we can reduce pollutants without removing the businesses; there likely has to be a solution on how to do this in a more safer manner (for humans, animals and environment).

The following day, I was pooped. I don’t understand why these activities just drain me.

The incident within the parking lot was a lot. Having AL yell about the apartment being messy prior to that exhausted me further. I don’t know. I felt numb? I understood we needed to do something. I know we had to call 911. But I was exhausted, I had no feeling? I just disassociated? And the need to release that numbness was to just drink. I don’t know why coping with alcohol is what makes things easier? Leading up to going into the store, things were too much. But I still know my limit. I know it’s a hard stop on 2 or 3.

I really wanted to go to the Crimean Tatar Flag event. It was not happening with everything. Having menstrual cramps kicked my butt. I don’t get why they get more intense during burnout, but this seems to be an issue. They get more intense and Advil doesn’t seem to help.

I’ve been a bit sassy with politics – but the issue is that Ontario politicians represent us and don’t do anything to really serve us. They are civil servants after all and only serve themselves. They don’t even do the bare minimum. They don’t scrape the bare minimum. They take a miniscule droplet and consider it the bare minimum. 0.00000000001 ppb of work when it should be 1,000,000,000,000 ppm.

With respect to the whole Nawrocki / Zelenskyj situation – Nawrocki really shit the bed on this. He has not done anything to bring any reconciliation between Ukrainians and Poles but rather served a platter to putin. A historical oppressor cannot cry about being oppressed when the oppressed fight back. The oppressor still has historical armies that are referenced with pride but at the thought of their neighbour referencing their partisan army, they are villainized. Therefore, the oppressor continues to oppress by only seeing their side of history and not the entire history. The oppressor (Poland) also sides with the other oppressor (russia), an oppressor that historically oppressed the other oppressor (Poland). Is that how Poland would like to continue with history… where the general muscovite population currently protests against Great Britain for providing military equipment to Ukraine for defense and not their own kremlin government following attacks on their city? You can’t argue with the illogicals. I think I’ll just call them that from now on – the illogicals. My grade 10 english teacher can cringe all she wants – find a better word if you want. Could just settle for homo sovieticus…. this works for Nawrocki and his friends too.

SF – I know you’re still a kid. 20 is still young… maturity doesn’t come till later. Be weary of how family influences you. I know somewhat what you went through. Maybe not as privileged as you, more privileged as the kids I’ve met in Ukraine (who were in orphanages). I know the psychological damage it does. It doesn’t quite go away.

Remember you’re privileged. What money you have – you have a foot ahead of so many kids. I had the privilege ahead of so many kids, and I had one parent working night shifts who paid for my education through baby bonuses. There are so many kids out there that do not have that privilege as us. I’ve had friends who had to pay off their student debt. That took years. They didn’t live in comfy situations like you or I.

What your uncle is doing to healthcare is not ok. Did it help your dad? Did it help your mom?

Did it help you? You might have a therapist that helps you. What about those that can’t afford it? That trauma is passed on.

If you’re really about change, or why you’re getting into politics… just look at how they act. How they spend. What changes are they making. How are they impacting your generation. Is that how you see your future?

Don’t forget how your uncle treated your mom. Is that something you’re ok with? How he treated a family member dealing with their mental health? Being kicked to the ground while they’re on the ground? I won’t go into how your parents interacted while you kids were small. That is something you know of, and I can relate to some extent, but not entirely.

Ontario is much more than Toronto, not how your uncle treats it. Mental health and healthcare in general is beyond the borders of Toronto, but we make people travel all the way to Toronto for mental healthcare. Are you ok with that?

I’ll just say – good luck navigating through that – not easy to be in that position. You also want to make decisions based on your internal compass… and decisions that you won’t want to regret in the future. The future is fragile. We haven’t had these kind of temperatures in the 90’s.

Seeing photos from 2024, can be triggering. I’m told to get over 2024, but it’s difficult. It was a very messed up time. Like I could not deal with how things felt continuously, and I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t get doctors to listen at CAMH, it was just this thought process of telling me I’d relapse into a psychosis episode. And it just removes trust from healthcare and those that are supposed to listen and help you.

Part of me wants to delete all these 2024 photos but part of me doesn’t – in hopes I’m in a better place in the future and can look back and be okay with them.

I hate to see the disconnect between those in government and every day Canadians.

You see these bullshit dynasties – Fords, Trudeaus, Harrises, Mulroneys. What do they truly have to show for?

• Ford was a NEPO baby at a meat processing plant in stockyards making WAAAAY above minimum wage. Somewhere around $40/hr with inflation in 2024.
• Ford’s daughter, Kara Ford, is a NEPO baby making $211k/year while being underqualified and overpaid.
• Trudeau – I’m not sure what his accomplishments are.
• Harris Sr privatized water testing which resulted in deaths in Walkerton, ON. Harris Jr. doesn’t have real credentials to do what he is doing and is overspending.
• Mulroneys had one son end up on TV and another, a bank exec after 3 years of working in the industry with a History degree. Caroline… not sure what she’s accomplished for this province other than spend and drink the Ford Nation Kool Aid.

I look at people in my life and they don’t even get that advantage in life. They don’t get those pensions, they struggle with finding jobs in their areas of study.

You look at the garbage decisions made and you wonder, why is this even a choice?

The designs in this city and province boggle my mind. You could make something more amazing but it’s currently just fucking garbage… because someone knows someone… a cousin or a brother or sister who can do the job at a lesser cost and it turns out to be shit quality.

People are willing to go against their integrity as professional licenses state in their code of conduct just to make that buck despite ruining it for everyone. You feed the corruption machine. Will your life be any better? Look around. It looks like this province is falling apart. It looks like garbage. Are you proud of it? I sure as am not. My number one goal is making sure everyone protected – people have food, work, housing, are protected against outside hazards. Basic needs. Everyone deserves to come home in the safe state they left their house in. Their homes deserve to be in good condition… not what our developers and landlords have created… and just expect more while not giving back to make living fair and safe.

I’ve said it before – if you don’t care – why are you even in the business? What is the point of your mission statement? You care or you don’t. If you don’t care – leave the industry.

You see the bills that get voted against. Things that should help Ontarians but they work against us. Why do they have these archaic thoughts where they throw fucking spaghetti at a wall and hope it sticks? We saw how Buck-a-Beer went. It didn’t.

You want more transparency and it’s not there. You have to shovel through data on your own or you have to pay for data through FOI. How is that not modern corruption? You’re paying someone to pay for information that should be readily available? It’s like a form of bribe if you really think about it.

Reminds me of visiting Ukraine. My music teacher told me to meet these people and they will show me some historical banduras. I went to pay them and they interpreted that as a bribe and said, no we don’t accept bribes. Just because you know someone doesn’t mean you should get better treatment if you pay.

As a neurodivergent person – I found that confusing because I wasn’t sure if that was a service provided? or I was getting special treatment? That gets confusing. I was just curious to see different types of banduras LOL.

The issue is that with the arts – even in this case – historical banduras – they tend to be under appreciated and people are underpaid. There’s a reason why it’s called being a starving artist. Unless you’re able to make it big time, it turns into a hobby. Which is super unfortunate. The arts can be so healing when dealing with difficult times. And that applies to whatever media you look at – music, photography, paintings, architecture, dance, poetry, literature, acting, fx makeup, comedy, etc.

I just want a world where injustices are not intense. I want our underdogs protected; our little mom and pop shops, our most vulnerable people, our people on the fringes protected. Just because someone was born into a particular ethnicity or skin colour shouldn’t determine if they should or shouldn’t succeed in life or that clique families continue to profit while they make the quintessentialist obtuse decisions in this world. 4DF.

I think about these cultural days where we celebrate our differences. Ukrainians have embroidered shirts with different designs from different regions. They say it’s like a DNA code. Different regions will have different colours and designs. Some might even indicate a family code, similar to a family crest. It would tell ancestors who they can or cannot marry if their embroidered shirt had a symbol from their family.

We need to have more celebration of everyone’s culture and detailed rituals/clothing. There’s so much we can learn from each other. Find special details that give us some significance and meaning to general life to appreciate.

I know in some cases we have families who have been in Canada for many generations and are not in touch with their ancestor’s ethnic background. That is ok. You can always look at your current life culture. There’s also still options to learn where you came from, learn who your ancestors were. I remember overhearing a conversation at Petroglyphs Provincial Park (a park that displays indigenous rock carvings) and these individuals were talking about learning more about their ancestral backgrounds. They were white passing, you’d never think they were indigenous but that is the beautiful thing about us all, we never really know where a person is from until you actually hear their story and what their journey is. Sometimes it can be painful based on what they learn (I think about my own journey with AuDHD and how it has its ups and downs). You learn painful truths. You learn about the trauma. You learn to respect the adversity and journey your ancestors went through and at the same time respect for others going through a similar path.

It’s a human parallel path of sympathizing for others with similar but different stories. Sometimes we learn our ancestors caused trauma while others were victim of trauma caused by others. We learn our privilege in whatever intersectionality we fall into.

When we learn from our history and others, I think we can heal as a whole.

Coming from a Polish and Ukrainian background; a Ukrainian peasant family (that were serfs under Polish rule) and a family of Polish nobility… this can be paradoxical. Having a mom who helped people as a nurse, while a father who would bully people and steal shoes from people in town in Poland… again paradoxical. We know what’s right and wrong and what we should be doing and that is the path we should go through with. No bullying and stealing people’s shoes (I have no idea what caused him to do that but I’m troubled by that fact). I know he feels remorseful for what he’s done in those situations but I think we need to teach our kids better. We also need to make sure this world is built for everyone and the generations to come.

On a side note: I always found it odd that my father would talk about mentioning my name in his town and see how people would treat me in a positive manner. Yes, it’s a name of nobility, but how many are there with the same last name (31,000+). And then you have the name variations. So I’m just “born on Christmas Day” and a “warlike son”. LOL. I don’t know how I feel about that. Maybe I’m just battling my own battles as a human and trying to make it more better for others. I wish it wasn’t that difficult.

Message for today: Embrace differences. Try different food (if you need safe foods, ask for safe foods); you’ll be surprised how yummy food is from different cultures. It’s a good way to bond with people who are different from you. There’s always some sort of commonality you can find in different cultures or a favourite difference that inspires you.

Literally everywhere I go. Everything is working against me. I just fucking can’t. This is fucked up. Like I just want to die. Like I can’t any more. So fuck all of this.

So Kara Ford is making $211k up from $157k as Director of Strategy and Stakeholder Engagement at a fairly small healthcare facility. She previously made $128k-132k as a manager in public affairs. All four government postings, paid by taxpayers. She has a two year diploma from Conestoga College in Broadcasting. Typically a role like Communications would require a Masters degree and a decades experience.

Looking at this role of Director of Strategy and Stakeholder Engagement… makes no sense… if you look up the definition of Board of Directors they’re the ones to work on strategy and manage stakeholders. So is she a secretary? Or is she the Board of Directors? Is the Board of Directors her?

Looking at her Chief of HR… she makes $5k less… as a director, you think she reports to her because the HR Director has Strategy in her title. So it all makes no sense. Further looking at the pay raises a lot of these top 6-10 people in this publicly funded org had… they have been significant. 30%. I don’t know many organizations that give 30% pay raises.

Doug Ford couldn’t make less as his daughter so he gave himself a pay raise of 30% as well.

Something stinks at Runnymede Healthcare Centre. Connie Dejak doesn’t seem to have any sort of healthcare background. Does not have a degree in healthcare whatsoever. How is she truly connected with her staff? Makes about $600k for a small facility. How does that make sense? Looks like she also got a medal from Doug Ford. Is this a scratch my back, and I scratch your back type of situation?

They mention rehabilitation for first responders… how effective is this? Is this a on paper idea or political story they’re throwing out there. How is this building any different from West Park or other rehab hospitals?

I also find it funny that in university, you’re told if you want to make more money, you have to go into the corporate world… but this is almost on par with what you see in the corporate world. The HSE Specialist at Runnymede Healthcare Centre made more than me… and I worked in the private sector as a Safety Manager. Make that make sense.

Why is it that you also find this huge discrepancy on RN pay. Some make $200k while others make $120k or less? $200k at CAMH…

If my mom made ~$100k in 2018, that would equate to $126k in 2026. I understand there’s hazard pay but there’s also something that doesn’t make sense. Looks like many of these nurses are male. So equal pay isn’t true, is it? Why do you have RN’s making more than Senior Scientists?

Some people have recent schooling in nursing… so again, how does it make sense?

The wild thing is that the professors that are supposed to teach our next generation of healthcare technicians in the medical field make $100k-$130k. How do they afford living in Canada?! In the 2nd most expensive province in the country?! How do you keep talented people who can truly teach our kids?

Why do we have CEOs with no waking experience in the healthcare field but rather have studied policy and never stepped foot as a doctor? You’ve got these people with leadership roles, but what do they truly know about boots on the ground? Feels like a huge disconnect.

Why do we even have these policy programs? Had a friend go through a program in Ottawa. Is it just a set up to get someone in public office or a lobbyist for the government or a statistician?

Grosses me out when you have these lifelong CEOs and politicians without knowledge of reality. They just show up for the photo-ops but never had to work hard in a day in their life.

I’ve tried my best to avoid shouting during conflicts. It’s something I’ve seen as a child with my parents.

I’ve tried my best to work on myself to not be that person. Not shout when things get intense or emotional. Speaking with AL, it sounds like I haven’t raised my voice with her. I think I may have raised my voice with my mom but it’s a boundary that I haven’t made yet? I don’t know how I’ve created a line in the sand or rule of not yelling with AL but somehow it still comes out with my mom.

But the issue now is I sometimes shut down and cry with AL.

With the 2nd relationship, I don’t think I yelled. But she tried to get a raise out of me. When she didn’t get it out of me, she would make a comment about expecting me to do something harmful to her. I don’t get it? Like that’s the one thing I tried to get away from because it’s something I grew up with. Makes me wonder how many female relationships have physical conflict or abuse? AL’s past relationship resulted in her being punched. That’s scary and sad. Like it makes me sad she had to endure that.

I remember having boundaries in the 2nd relationship like locking up my gym stuff in a locker or generally securing something because of my past childhood experience of things being stolen from our apartment. My ex questioned why secure something, that I should have faith or trust in people that they are not going to steal my stuff. When I disagreed, I was made to be a shitty person. It did feel like my boundaries were pushed often. If I didn’t want to do something, I was a problem. If I did do something or agreed with her, I wasn’t authentic in that thought or decision. I couldn’t figure it out. It was confusing. And I remained in that relationship longer than I should have. I thought it would work? But maybe I was just dumb at that time? Is it the AuDHD dumbness; brain maturity was delayed?

I just don’t want to walk on eggshells anymore. So working on being that communicator even when people won’t like what they hear and try to talk through the topic. If they still don’t see it, I guess it’ll be up to them if they want to or not.

It’s hard jumping and saying yes to things when I’m not listened to or seen… or just being able to be me.

It’s also stupidly hard being in my brain. Creating structures around things. Showering a specific time, getting home at a certain time to make sure I’m not sitting in traffic, making dinner a specific time, going to the gym a certain time. If it’s not done, things get harder to process the day. But also fear that my partner will be mad that we’re not in that structure. I think I need to talk about flexibility with AL if the day doesn’t go as planned.

It feels like I’m also stuck with my mom’s structure. If I explain I need to do something, she gets frustrated that I’m not accommodating her.

In a work setting – thinking about having convos with coworkers stepping on toes was hard. Because they say they are a big boy, but when they do over step and you try to explain it, they still get defensive. Or they don’t listen. When there’s a typo in a document that is supposed to be official and you’re not listened to, how do you end up getting it fixed? aaaaaaaaand that’s a tangent lol.

It’s funny because I had focus earlier but focus is totally gone. I need coffee or something. IDK. I’m just exhausted from everything. I know I have been saying this for so long. It’s like I’m got writer’s block but in life in everything I do. Can’t get up in the morning. Can’t have a schedule. Can’t do appointments at the doc’s. Can’t be ok. Bleh. And apparently EC is in my car? I HAVE NO IDEA what anything even means.

My current concern is my cat. She’s not feeling well today and I’m worried about her. I don’t like seeing her struggle.

April 2 was Autism Awareness Day or Autism Acceptance Day. I never really thought I was Autistic. Sure, I joked with friends about being OCD about things or having ADHD squirrel moments.

It was only recently that I started to really look deeper into the topic. But I never thought Autism looked like me or my friends. It was always that stereotypical white boy presentation of Autism. A child having a meltdown by the noise levels of the space, stimming and non-verbal. This was the image I had of the family relative I knew. That was the representation of Autism I grew up with. (Except, I’ve recently understood that sensory overstimulation does affect me, I do stim and can become non-verbal when I am in an Autistic burnout).

Decades later we’re introduced to shows like “Love on the Spectrum”… and you see a slightly less high needs Autistic type of individual being represented. Only recently we’ve had shows like CBC’s The Assembly showing different types of autistic and neurodivergent people and I start understand that non-verbal people are not “lost in their world”… as my mom would say. They just don’t have a means of communicating in a neurotypical world. But when they’re provided with the right tools, they can communicate in this world.

Going through burnout, I understood that I do experience sensory overload. Being in a loud space like the SkyDome, I’ve fawned and cried because everything was intense. I’ve cried at the gym and wanted to die because my sensory overload was too much.

Suicide ideation is huge amongst Autistics. We’re more likely to die of suicide than non-autistics. I’ve looked at a study that looked at statistical data around TTC suicides and they’ve listed mental health issues like depression and anxiety, schizophrenia, substance abuse, bipolar – these made up 68% of the deaths. However, the big number that isn’t talked about is 35.4% and it’s listed as “other” under mental health conditions. What’s interesting is that 85% never left a suicide note; 93.7% didn’t have any sort of offenses; 94.7% did not have any sort of police or legal stressors; 95% did not have any sort of recent medical/health stressors; 92.4% did not have any sort of interpersonal conflict stressors; 96.7% did not have an intimate relationship breakup; 91% did not have an employment/financial stressor; 96% did not have a bereavement in the past year and the mean age is 32-41.

Why are Autistics more likely to die of suicide? There can be various reasons including that the world is simply not built for us. We feel injustice very strongly. We also mask to fit in and when we hit autistic burnout, it really takes a toll on your.

Learning more about myself, I’ve noted that I been subconsciously accommodating myself – wearing headphones on train rides to university. As a 13 year old, wearing headphones in the car while my mom listened to news talk radio. Something about news talk radio can be triggering from a sensory standpoint. Losing friends in elementary school and not understanding how that happened. Being bullied in elementary sucked. Generally being that weird different kid… and not growing up as an adult. I always thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t relate to people who were parents as a 20-30 year old. And there are studies that indicate that neurodivergent people have a brain that matures later. This isn’t to say that I’m entirely immature. I’m knowledgeable about a lot of various things and dabble in topics that are special interests – and there are many. I also have random facts in my head because stuff just interests me to no end.

I also noted that my brain processing speed was kind of off as a child; words and thoughts didn’t always match in speed. I’d catch myself to determine if my facial reactions were right. Also, not understanding why I had an easy way of talking to some people but not everyone. Not understanding why people would fluff up emails with nothingness but words while I just wanted to just get to the point in the email. I never understood having to read paragraphs before getting to the point of the person’s ask, need, etc. But I’ve also found myself over-explaining things because work is complex as a subject matter expert and you don’t want people to misunderstand your message because you’re frequently misunderstood.

I’ve found that photography has let me ground in very intense environments. I’ve also noted that I suck in huge social settings. I need alcohol to get through those events. One on one settings are much easier… otherwise I do get quiet.

Throw in ADHD and it covers up that Autism. But subconsciously I knew I was paradoxical in a weird way. Liking quiet spaces but also liking being around people. Liking arts, music and sports. Hyperfocussing on random things and going into rabbit holes on Wikipedia about random topics. Just being curious about random things in this world… like how things work.

I now understand why it took so much energy after the fact of being in a social setting. Or why it is hard to get out of the house some days. Or why I need to be in a dark, quiet space (sometimes with sunglasses) and simply do nothing. Sometimes sleep is the only way to recover. Sometimes coffee is needed to get a kick out of the house. I also understand why I “die” in conversations via text. This isn’t to say I’m mad at you or I’m ghosting you. I’m just struggling a bit here with thoughts and trying to communicate and everything is too much. I do still care about the people in my life very deeply.

Emotions – I’ve noted that my emotions can be delayed… or why putting words together was delayed. I’ve found myself in a room full of tearful people and I’ve struggled with showing emotions because I’m overwhelmed in that environment. I found myself sending a text after hanging out with a friend because using verbal words in that moment were hard to find. But it also explained why I got creative with words to describe something in a silly manner.

Over the years, I’ve been quiet verbally – part of it is the thought processing. Other times it was rejection sensitivity dysphoria. It just has also turned into masking myself as well. That also had led to misinterpretations about me in the workplace which was not cool. Other times it’s my own fear of having an autistic meltdown and being seen as unprofessional. Either fawn or fight (while throwing some f-bombs). lol.

The social cues are hard to follow at times and self-monitoring in a conversation and trying to figure out when to leave the convo. I just thought I was an awkward person. The wild thing is that you start reading people, their facial expressions and trying to read social cues… and this is how you just end up figuring out visual feedback but it’s exhausting. Rather having someone beat around the bush, why can’t they just say something in a respectful manner. It’s hard because I try to give feedback and the other person gets defensive. But I’ve tried my best to base things on facts.

The dumb thing is the world doesn’t understand that Autistics can look like anybody yet we don’t do anything to make this world more accessible for everyone. We make everyone try to fit a mould. It’s exhausting trying to advocate for yourself. It’s exhausting when psychiatrists don’t know how to diagnose females, trans and BIPOC during Autism Assessments. I’ve been labelled OCD personality and BPD because I’m rigid and this is triggering since you just want to be seen.

Many might ask – why do you even want a diagnosis anyway. Why? So that you know what works for you in this world not built for you and how you can make life easier for you.

I’ll end this post with one last thought – meeting one Autistic person doesn’t mean you’ve met all Autistic People. We’re all different with different experiences, thoughts, beliefs, special interests, comorbidities, strengths, weaknesses, sensory issues, etc…. just like neurotypical being different in their way. At the end of the day, it’s not a disorder but a different brain wiring, processing of this world.

This weekend was pretty intense. Yes, I’m going to use the word intense.

Saturday was filled with a lot of events – 3 protests, street photography, short hangout with a friend and a catch up with a friend at her coffee shop.

All three protests were meaningful and represent what’s currently going on in this world – locally, continental neighbourhood and abroad.

With our province, it feels frustrating and tiring. I’ve posted about it on FB. There’s so many things wrong going on and no one is holding the Premier accountable. He just keeps plowing through with dumb ideas that will benefit people in high places. All the while the people that pay him and his staff and other MPPs salaries and tax money just burns into the abyss and nothing is left to take care of the people here or even people outside of the GTA. He’s acting like the Premier of Toronto and not the Premier of Ontario. It’s mind blowing.

Being there felt therapeutic. I just wish we could be there during a work day – when Queen’s Park is in session. Make them tremble in their boots from the noise. Why can’t we just do a day of action like women in Iceland did when they were fighting for their rights?

I did want to speak but I just couldn’t get thoughts put together. I think I have an idea of what I’d want to say during the next protest.

Taking photos around the city was also therapeutic and had some political undertones.

Speaking with my Coffee Roaster Friend was also therapeutic. She’s just got such amazing viewpoints in this world but also just cares about people. We need more people like her.

I feel like I’m posting here and there and messaging is so complex and inconsistent? But if you compile it together, it’ll make sense?

We just need to support each other and fight for what is right. For the interest of us – people. And fighting for the underdogs that need that support because they’ll bring so much to the table. If the mom and pop shops are gone… where does that leave us? If those with disabilities are left behind, what purpose are we giving to them in life? How can we accommodate them? Seeing some people at the protest not be able to be thoroughly accommodated sucked to see. There was someone in a mobility device and couldn’t join us for a march around Queens Park. The very building that passes laws on AODA is not accessible to everyone…. even during protests. The infrastructure around Queens Park isn’t even pedestrian friendly. An acquaintance made a comment that it’s as if our politicians don’t want us there based on how it’s set up. Who planned this space? LOL. Do we really care about accessibility? Do our politicians care? And I mean the ever encompassing accessibility of visible and not visible disabilities or differences? We all at one point could potentially might need to use a wheelchair… and will they feel comfortable with the current set up of environment? Michener Institute had a great simulation for able bodied people of what elderly people may experience.

I think back to a moment I had with an elderly person at Woodbine Beach – she tried to pass me her phone to take a photo of her and her friends while I was at a lifeguard station. I forgot that lifting your arms above your head height may be very limited. Clicks in my head about my mom holding her hands up at the fridge to reset the computer. I keep forgetting she’s no longer 50 or 60 but 70. Shouldn’t have laughed about that mistranslation between seconds and minutes. I feel shitty now.

I know we have more boomers hitting that retirement age and the push to understand them better. But I think we need to have all these different factors included when we’re designing our spaces – young, old, physical disabilities, hidden disabilities, sensory, etc. How are other countries navigating through this? Who’s excelling at this?